Marilyn Mimicry

Madonna Okay, now. We know Madonna is a huge fan. She spent about 3 years of her career trying to mimic MarilyMadonna-s-Marily-obsession-140637n and not succeeding. Initially she looked ridiculous. She coloured her hair white rather than platinum blonde, yet she left her large, bushy, black eyebrows untouched. Ghastly. Her look improved over time. A series of photographs where her hair is finally platinum and she tries to imitate Marilyn’s expressions are as close as Madonna will ever get. Those are beautiful pictures. Of course there is nothing vulnerable about Madonna. Her attitude as we all know, is one of sticking out her 50-year-old derriere and snorting “kiss my ass,” the last thing Marilyn would ever have done. Madonna herself stated, “Marilyn Monroe was a victim. I’m not a victim!” The only tragic thing about her are the videos where she emphasizes her behind and her private area. Gross.

Anna Nicole Smith (Vicky Lynn Hogan) Smith is laughable, even if she is dead. She tried hard to imitate Marilyn and like anna_nicole_smith_marilyn_monroe-VMadonna, she made it very obvious. She even did a TrimSpa commercial where she copied one of Marilyn’s scenes in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Like Marilyn she had the opportunity to wed a billionaire.  Unlike Marilyn, she did. She bleached her hair light blonde and got large implants. She also gained enormous amounts of weight during her career, something that never happened to Marilyn, although the latter did gain a small amount of weight that distressed her. The coup de grace however was her suicide at age 39, three years later than Marilyn’s suicide at 36. Of course she used pills. Seriously I wouldn’t be surprised if she planned it before she turned 40 so she could meet her demise before she left her 30’s behind, like Marilyn. Pathetic.

Jayne Mansfield Many young people from the generation just behind us (our kids, I should think) may know of Marilyn Monroe but it is highly doubtful they have ever heard of Mansfield. She was 20th Century Fox’jaynes replacement for Marilyn Monroe and she became widely known as “the working man’s Monroe.” Ouch.To her credit she made many, many films, some of which garnered good reviews. She was arguably, a better actress than Marilyn with a wider range of talent. Like Marilyn, originally Mansfield was also a brunette. She had an Amazon-like build and was much taller and bigger built than Marilyn. Mansfield lacked Marilyn’s childlike vulnerability. Mansfield had a very large bustline, although it was rumoured she had implants. However, she styled her short, platinum hair exactly like Marilyn and spoke in a high, babyish voice. This was probably at the insistence of Fox. Like Marilyn, she also appeared on Jack Benny‘s comedy show and breathed as hard as she could, trying her best to imitate her rival. Even when Mansfield was cast to replace her while under suspension, Marilyn scarcely noticed her. She knew Mansfield had implants and her only comment was, “at least I’m real.” Considering Marilyn herself often commented on Marilyn Monroe as being a public construct, I just love that comment.

Mansfield’s first film part was a supporting role in Female Jungle, even the title is a parallel to Marilyn’s first pivotal role in the movie Asphalt Jungle. In 1956, 20th Century Fox attempted to sign a six-year contract with her in an effort to replace Marilyn Monroe who was in trouble with the studio. Jayne-Mansfield-Tribute-jayne-mansfield-28658721-454-575In 1957 Mansfield played a dramatic role in a movie not surprisingly titled, The Wayward Bus. Of course Bus Stop was Marilyn’s first dramatic vehicle. I’m not kidding. A character in The Wayward Bus is even named Norma. Mansfield was chosen to replace the recently deceased Marilyn Monroe in Kiss Me, Stupid, a romantic comedy that would co-star, who else but Dean Martin (beam me up Scottie). Mansfield was also cast in another film co-starring Mamie Van Doren. Before filming began, Mansfield said she would not “share any screen time with the drive-in’s answer to Marilyn Monroe” meaning Van Doren. Quite lofty considering she herself was Fox’s answer to Marilyn Monroe.

Later in her career Mansfield also wanted more dramatic roles than playing a voluptuous blonde but not for the same reasons as Marilyn. Filmmakers weren’t interested in “dumb blondes” anymore and Mansfield was fast becoming a thing of the past. Near the end of her career and her life she was reduced to going on the road, singing in roadside bars and dinner clubs to help her boyfriend, Sam Brody, pay off his debts. The two were broke. Fox stopped viewing her as major Hollywood star material, and started loaning her out to foreign productions until the end of her contract in 1962, the same year, ironically, that Marilyn committed suicide. With the decrease of the demand for big-breasted blonde bombshells and the increase in the negative backlash against her over-publicity, she became a box-office has-been by the early 1960s.  Mansfield had chosen to follow in Marilyn’s footsteps and eventually she was made redundant. A visitor to her wake asked if he could see her. He stated, ‘it wasn’t really her anymore.” I dare say it never was.

Mansfield however didn’t commit suicide. She was killed in a car accident. A cop wrote in his report that she was decapitated but this is inaccurate. A wig she was wearing had flown off her head and landed nearby, creating the illusion of decapitation. It would have been a startling sight, I’m sure but no need to go losing your head over it.

Transvestite Entertainers Viva Las Vegas! What is it about trannies that makes so many of them want to mimic Marilyn? It’s always the same costume, too – the pink gown and gloves from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Actually some of their pics are rather impressive. Some of them. I can understand Marilyn making her living as Marilyn Monroe. Can you imagine making your living pretending to be Marilyn Monroe?

Mira Sorvino miraMovie – Norma Jeane and Marilyn No, just no. Her voice was horrendous, she’s not beautiful and her acting was as bad as, well, Marilyn’s in some of her worst films. Well that’s one thing the two women had in common. Who cast her for this role anyway? Was Scarlet Johanssen busy?  In fact in a scene where Marilyn has supposedly just undergone plastic surgery to make herself look more appealing, the camera pans to Sorvino as she smiles at her agent. Definitely Judd and Sorvino should have swapped roles.

Ashley Judd Two good reasons flashing at us not to have cast Ashley Judd for the role of the bosomy Norma Jeane in the same movie as Sorvino. She was a dreadful Norma Jeane. ShASHLEY JUDD & MIRA SORVINO - NORMA JEAN & MARILYN (1997) 06e was far too confident instead of insecure and frightened. She looks nothing like Norma Jeane and she doesn’t project that charisma that emanated from Norma Jeane long before she was Marilyn Monroe. Two breasts down…oops, I mean two thumbs down.

Michelle Smith Ha, ha, ha. After wiping the tears of laughter out of my eyes, what’s left? Her body, 0117-michelle-williams-gq-01-640x868although attractive by today’s standards, is hardly voluptuous. The wig she is precariously wearing on the cover of GQ Magazine looks like it is about to fall off if she turns her head to the side any further. She just doesn’t look like Marilyn Monroe. The film My Week with Marilyn was released in 2011 to strong reviews although personally I thought the trailer looked boring. It’s easy to see who Smith is imitating but she is nowhere near as pretty as the real thing. When Smith first walked through the studio lot dressed in a tight skirt and high heels, wearing the platinum wig, she stated, “for the first time I knew what it was like to be stared at by dozens of men.” I believe her.

Lindsay Lohan Lindsay-Lohan-channels-her-idol-140641Okay now, these pictures are downright terrifying. Lohan looks like she already took the overdose before posing for her pics in Playboy. She is a rehab regular… perhaps she took the pictures while she was still in recovery. “The funny thing is she doesn’t look like Marilyn Monroe. Not even a little bit,” stated the accompanying article. In fact it also stated Lohan was murdering Marilyn’s memory. Amen to that. Then Lohan went and did another shoot as Marilyn. whatever. Although I will state that when she focuses on her boobs at least she has people looking at her. Lohan did take some pretty pics where her hair and makeup were a lot more similar to Marilyn Monroe. Now why would she allow the magazine to publish disastrous pictures like the one with the yellow flowers along with this glamorous shot that, although it isn’t quite like Marilyn, looks so much better? Celebrities. Pah.

Scarlet Johanssen Scarlet-Johansson-s-Marilyn-moment-140638Actually I think Miss Johanssen does an admirable job of making like Marilyn. She looks gorgeous in this picture,although not quite like Marilyn. I can tell who she is imitating. She also imitated Joanne Woodward in the movie Psycho by Alfred Hitchcock although she didn’t really succeed. Her acting however was very good. But Woodward is far more beautiful. So is Marilyn but some of Johanssen’s pics seemed to work.

Christina Aguilera Christina-Aguilera-back-to-Monroe-140643Clearly, Aguilera is out of her league. She is arguably one of the worst Marilyn imitators of the bunch. She is an attractive girl but she makes herself look unattractive when she is trying to be Marilyn Monroe. Their features are nothing alike. Matching the hair colour and the lipstick isn’t going to change that. I’ve seen her looking much cuter.

Paris Hilton PH sullied the good memory of Marilyn last night is the first line in this article and I couldn’t agree more. Admittedly her shots are beautiful and it is easy to tell she is imitating Marilyn. It’s not her appearance that makes one gag. it’s her audacity to think that her lack of talent and crass image in any way parallels Marilyn Monroe. One wonders how many hours it took to make Hilton into a semblance of Marilyn? And truly, she looks nothing like her. Incredibly, an interviewer told her she “is a role model for lots of young girls.” Good Lord we hope not. Later he stated that “Marilyn herself could not have done it better b in presenting Hilton’s newly launched fragrance. How much were they paying him? First of all, we all know that Hilton has fine, wispy hair that could never hold up to Marilyn’s<> on August 10, 2010 in Los Angeles, California. thick mane. That the wig was a necessity is a major understatement. Second, Marilyn had beautiful big breasts. Is Hilton serious? Do you know how much padding that would take? I wonder what she used for that shot? That kind of duct tape must have a market all its own. Maybe she’s gotten implants of late. Of course Hilton’s skanky reputation right away disqualifies her as a reasonable facsimile of Marilyn. Marilyn was mocked in her day for being a “dumb blonde”but very few people called her “vulgar”, (except jealous actresses such as the witch-like Joan Crawford, who herself was a child abuser). Marilyn didn’t marry her husbands for PR’s sake. She genuinely loved and liked her spouses. Nope. Hilton is at least 0 for 4 so far.

Katherine McPhee Until I did research for this blog I didn’t know she existed, She supposedly had long, dark hair then she chopped it off and dyed it platinum blonde.  According to make likea statement made to the press by psychologist Dr. Carol Leiberman, “She might be trying to be this sexy icon, and have a more rebellious image to get attention, so she could be pulling out all the stops to get there.” Might? Could be? What is it with these psychologists? They never take a bold stand and just tell it like it is. The bold, red lips, self-made beauty mark, and figure-hugging dresses aren’t original, but just like the woman she was reportedly copying, McPhee has everyone talking. Well that’s the point of publicity isn’t it? She is an attractive girl, very cute in fact, but of course it is easy to tell her apart from Marilyn Monroe. Of all the Marilyn imitators, McPhee is among the best. My hat’s in the ring for making a good PR move, even if she didn’t entirely succeed at making like Marilyn.

Charlize Theron
Theron is a very cool woman. She has done a photo shoot where she made like charlizeMarilyn but unlike many of the aforementioned, she doesn’t try to build her career around it. She appeared on a talk show with her hair grown out in its natural colour. Not a pretty sight but her comment was “this is the hair that God gave me.” Theron has a boyish edge, a sense of “who cares what you think?” that is exactly the opposite of Marilyn’s raison d’etre. Still, alongside Marilyn, Charlize  is one of the very best of the bunch when it comes to looking like Marilyn Monroe. I would swear from a slight distance that the picture above is Marilyn. So take that, all you other imitators.

Lady Gaga
Lady-Gaga-Homenajea-a-Marilyn-MonroeYou mean Lady Gag. The least attractive woman on this list actually compared herself to an actress who was once labelled the most beautiful woman in the world. And surprisingly she does a good job at it. Well, sort of when she keeps her shades on that is. Pictures of her without the sunglasses are downright pitiful even though it is relatively easy to tell who she is mirroring. Hopefully, Marilyn wasn’t a vegetarian.

Uma Thurman
Uma Thurman channels Marilyn Monroe (6)A woman with an unbelievable body, I never did find her especially beautiful until she mimicked Marilyn. She doesn’t look anything like Uma but then again her face is nothing like Marilyn’s either. Uma really looks much prettier than her usual self, except she’s missing the bright red lipstick, one of Marilyn’s signature trademarks. Still it’s easy to see who it is Uma is channeling. She looks like a beautiful woman who is mimicking the most beautiful woman in the world. I wouldn’t go that far in Uma’s case but I’m sure she turned heads in that costume.

Megan Fox
Say what? First of all, although beautiful, Megan Fox looks a bit like a tranny, don’t Marilyn-Monroe--Megan-Foxyou think? In fact she herself made that comment. It’s the black hair and strange eyebrows that seem to do it. Then surprise! Look at that picture on the right. The girl is a dead (pun) ringer for Marilyn. Even the funny eyebrows seem to say “Marilyn”. Her mouth is perfect and the heavy-lidded look is about as close as it gets to being the real thing. Megan takes the Oscar for 3rd Best Imitation of Marilyn Monroe after Theron and Naomi Watts (below). Tranny? I think not. It’s impressive how a woman whose hair is so black can look so great as a platinum blonde. Okay so I was wrong. Yes I know, that’s a shock but it happens.

Megan Hilty
This is another broad I didn’t know existed until I researched women who mimic megan hiltyMarilyn. Hilty is one of the worst in the bunch. For one thing, she’s fat. Her arms are much meatier than Marilyn’s. Although both women are bosomy Marilyn was petite and the difference is blatantly obvious. While dancing with the cast now and then the camera panned down to her legs as her skirt twirled around. They were fatter than her arms. She used to star on two TV series I’ve also never heard of: Smash and Sean Saves the World (I don’t know which one sounds stupider). Actually Smash had its good moments but since it went off the air due to low ratings, not everyone thinks so. As for Hilty, why some women don’t recognize how far removed they are from the ultimate sex goddess is beyond my understanding. That’s what Hollywood does to people I guess.

Suzi Kennedy
A professional Marilyn, she makes her living mimicking Marilyn. Cool. She stated that she always gets work as Marilyn because Marilyn was an enigma and celebrities today aren’t enigmatic. Interesting. I rather agree with her, to be honest. Her voice isn’t the high, squeaky Marilynsuzy k voice you’d expect but she does a good job with the mannerisms. Kennedy is such a fan that she normally dressed and did her makeup as Marilyn. When someone said “you look like Marilyn Monroe” she was hired to do a commercial. Talk about being in the right place at the right time. Kennedy is fat but she still looks hot.

Kate Upton
This series of photographs is mind-boggling. At first glance I thought this was Marilyn’s picture. It might be the black and white katefilm that helps Upton bear a striking resemblance to Marilyn because in colour she is not as convincing. But this picture is simply iconic. She has exactly the right hairstyle, her breasts are nearly falling out of the strapless, white dress, and the expression on her face is uncanny. Wearing her hair long and platinum and dressed in gold, she appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair. The length of her hair detracted from her Marilyn imitation. Her face was nothing like Marilyn’s in colour.

Drew Barrymore
DrewBarrymoreSeriously? I would never have thought it could be possible but Barrymore took some nice photographs while imitating Marilyn. I think she should have stayed with this look…much nicer than her regular, Bohemian thing. Even if she can’t act she still makes a hot Marilyn wannabe.

Poppy  Montgomery
She’s not the closest to Marilyn in this bunch but she’s not the worst either. PoppyMontgomeryMontgomery is an Australian actress who played FBI Agent Samantha Fox for nine years on the CBS mystery drama Without a Trace.  Now she places another detective also for CBS on the mystery drama series Unforgettable. I guess she’s rather unforgettable when she makes like Marilyn, particularly because she is a rather plain-looking jeans and t-shirt kind of girl.

Kate Moss
KateMoss3Tee-hee. Who would have thought such a flat-chested girl could doll herself up like Marilyn Monroe? I mean, big boobs were essential to Marilyn’s sex appeal; they helped to land her in Tom Kelley’s calendar. Her face and the wig she wears look gorgeous and quite impressive (no surprise there).  She resembles a Barbie doll, that’s how pretty the hair and makeup are. Two thumbs up for making a small-breasted Marilyn Monroe look sexy.

Gailin Addis
GailynAddisAddis is a Marilyn Monroe impersonator. Yep. That’s what she does with her life. Personally, I don’t see it. I mean you can tell she’s making like Marilyn but there is no way you’d mistake her for the real thing. I do believe Suzy Kennedy has it all over Addis. She must be doing well however, since she’s got a website and presumably hasn’t declared bankruptcy. Well good for her.

Naomi Watts
An absolutely stunning Marilyn look. She’s third on my list after Theron and NaomiWattsJohanssen (you may think otherwise). I love the expression. Apparently Brad Pitt thinks the world needs another Marilyn Monroe biopic; he’s the producer who is backing the movie. At the time of filming however, My Week With Marilyn (Michelle Smith) was released and it was agreed to put the picture on hold. Watts then took the role of Princess Diana in a biography about her life and was too busy to return to the set. One day, I’m sure the film will be completed. Let’s hope it’s worth it. The look in this shot is meant to imitate the Time cover Marilyn posed for before she was a household name. As usual Marilyn was late to the photo shoot. There were three men present. Only one of the men had seen her before and when the other two got impatient he assured them “this girl is worth it”. Sure enough, in comes Marilyn and the earth stopped spinning. While the photographer took his shots he asked Marilyn how old she was during her first sexual experience. “Seven“, came the haunting reply. “My God! How old was the man?” he gasped. “Younger’.  Marilyn giggled and the cameraman got his shot. Sadly, her answer wasn’t entirely a joke as Marilyn to some friends about her foster home experiences.

January Jones
JanuaryJonesJones is an actress and a model who really ain’t much to look at. She is known for playing Betty Draper on the Mad Men series since 2007 and has appeared in a number of films including American Wedding and Unknown. Compared to Marilyn, she has a plain Jane look and is very thin and tall – she completely lacks the voluptuous body that Marilyn into an icon. Why Jones chose such an unlikely woman to impersonate is anyone’s guess. The pics are pretty but not at all like Marilyn.

There are a plethora of celebrities who imitate Marilyn Monroe. It’s not so much whether succeed that is astounding; it’s trying to make like Marilyn five decades after she is dead. Marilyn once commented “I just want to stay in the fantasy of Everyman”. It would appear she stays in the fantasy of Everywoman too.

Catherine Hicks
catherine-hicks-mm-untold-storyThe thing about Hicks is she didn’t just get made up like Marilyn, she also portrayed Marilyn in a movie entitled Marilyn: The Untold Story, based on the biography of the same name written by Norman Rosten. A critic stated Hicks managed to capture Marilyn’s voice and mannerisms and suggest her alluring presence. She did nothing of the kind. Her performance was so-so. The film itself missed many key developments in Marilyn’s life including the famous skirt scene in the Seven Year Itch and her involvement with the Kennedys. She wore the same ugly wig throughout the movie. She earned an Emmy for her role in the made-for-TV film. No, Hicks isn’t the prettiest Marilyn on this list. In fact I think she is rather plain anyway but receiving an Emmy for portraying Marilyn is damned (oops – I mean darned – have to be careful about the Hays Office, you know) impressive. If you look closely at her features she reminds me of Phyllis Diller. How unfortunate.

You
There are a plethora of Halloween costumes out there for women who want the youchance to make like Marilyn at least once a year. This get-up was found at Macy’s. Personally I don’t think the sundress looks anything like Marilyn’s, but we get the idea with the blonde wig. There are a zillion youtube sessions about how to do Marilyn’s makeup, imitate her walk, dress like her, etc. There are blogs and books about the same thing. Posters and postcards of Marilyn are everywhere so somebody’s buying them. Marilyn Monroe look-alike contests pop up here and there. What the heck? Nothing wrong with that 15 minutes of fame. Marilyn was hot. Maybe you are too. So bring it, Girl. If you have any pics I can post of you send them along to lisa_lahey@aol.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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